5 Lessons Neurodivergent Parenting Taught Me About Purpose and Presence
I used to define purpose in grand terms—a career achievement, a cause to champion, a legacy to leave behind. As an engineer and product expert, I lived by roadmaps, KPIs, and measurable milestones. I thrived on output and optimization. If I wasn’t working around the clock or innovating constantly, I felt off course. Then I became a mother—specifically, a mother to neurodivergent children. And everything shifted. My definition of purpose changed. So did my relationship with time, success, and what it means to truly be present.
1. Purpose Lives in the Small Moments
Raising neurodivergent kids made me notice things I once overlooked. Progress isn’t linear, and the most meaningful wins often defy expectations.
I remember one morning—we were already late—trying to coax my daughter into her sneakers. Her body went rigid; the seams on her socks were suddenly unbearable. I felt my frustration rise. But then I paused. I knelt down, we breathed together, and we switched to Crocs. She smiled. We made it out the door. That was the win.
From the outside, these may seem small. But they are not. These moments have taught me that purpose doesn’t need to be bold or sweeping. It’s about showing up—fully—and paying attention to what’s right in front of me.
2. Finding Balance Between Empathy and Structure
As an engineer, I lean toward structure and predictability. But parenting neurodivergent kids asked me to lead with empathy—without losing the scaffolding that holds our lives together.
Our days run on visual schedules and checklists. These systems ground us. But I’ve also learned to pause, to listen, to sense when one of my kids just needs space to be. Purpose lives in that middle space: providing a safe, predictable world while staying soft enough to meet them where they are.
3. Rediscovering Joy in Unlikely Places
Parenting has redefined joy. It’s watching your child make a connection they’ve worked so hard for. It’s witnessing resilience in its rawest form. It’s learning to celebrate what is, rather than what could have been.
We sing and dance in the kitchen after hard days. We build LEGO towers at 7 a.m. when inspiration strikes. These aren’t detours from purpose—they are purpose. They’ve taught me to meet my kids in their world, one full of curiosity, creativity, and presence.
4. Purpose Is a Practice, Not a Destination
I once saw purpose as a finish line—something to achieve and check off. Now I know: it’s a practice.
Some days, my purpose is advocating during an IEP meeting. Other days, it’s making it through bedtime without anyone falling apart (myself included). Both are real. Both matter.
This journey has deepened my compassion—for my kids, for myself, and for anyone doing hard things. I’ve learned that presence isn’t always graceful, and purpose doesn’t always feel profound. But it’s always enough.
5. A Lesson for More Than Just Parents Like Me
You don’t have to parent a neurodivergent child to experience this shift. So many of us are rethinking what success means—learning to slow down, to redefine what matters. In many ways, this parenting journey gave me the blueprint for that.
Neurodivergent parenting has anchored me in the here and now. It’s reshaped how I think about purpose—not as something I accomplish, but as how I choose to show up. And that may be the greatest gift my children have given me.
About Rachel Rothman
Rachel Rothman is a mechanical engineer, product expert, and former Chief Technologist at the Good Housekeeping Institute, where she spent over 15 years leading innovation, product testing, and launching major initiatives like the Parenting and Toy Awards. A frequent media contributor, she’s been featured on Good Morning America, Today, and CBS Mornings.
Now, as a mother to three neurodivergent children, Rachel is an advocate for sensory-friendly play and inclusive parenting. She serves on the advisory board of Divergently and channels her expertise into supporting families and championing neurodiversity through both personal storytelling and product innovation.